Hello Tiffy!

There is something about tonight that has me thinking. I have no idea why or what the deal is. I got into bed and I was swarmed with tons of thoughts. Thoughts mostly about death. Not macabre sad death thoughts, but tons of thoughts about deaths that have affected my life. I simply laid my head down for a few moments and the thoughts rushed to me. Thoughts about my mother’s death in 2000 (8-8-2000), and how I felt the night that I found out that she had died. I remember, the night that it happened, thinking, “I will just lie here, and think about how tomorrow, this will be less dramatic and out of place than it was today”. It was true, and every day after definitely had less drama, depression and sorrow than the day before. Soon enough, the days just kind of went on, and everything appeared to be in it’s place. After that, I then had a flashback of a few years before, when I was told my grandmother died. At that time, I was very, very sad, shocked and depressed not only that I had lost my grandma, but my mom and uncles had lost their mom, too. She was lucky to have lived a (arguably)  long full life but it seemed far too soon then. I was really close to her throughout my whole life, being the first grandchild in the family, she showered me with nothing but love and attention.  When she died,  I felt a sense of guilt, because as I blossomed into a teenager, I had personally volunteered to stop being so close to my grandma. She died the day before my 16th birthday (8-22-1997). I do not know why these thoughts are consuming me lately, I guess sometimes no matter what you do, your skeletons say hello to you once in a while. I had a snack, and I think I am able to get some sleep this time around.

So I am headed to my first day of “real work” tomorrow and I am so freakin’ excited you have no idea. I also have to tell you how pathetically in love with the New Kids On The Block I am these days. They are back with a vengeance and I am dying to see them in concert. They have a new CD which has tons of good new songs and they also released their CD of old *very-old-ahem* hits. I am sorry people, I am not embarrassed how in love with the NKOTB I am nor was I ever embarrassed, but now that they are back on tour they are all old (IE MY AGE) and hot and their songs are actually good….I am stopping at nothing to go see them in San Antonio in concert to make my life complete. Yes, it is true, I do not care at all how lame I am…I am going to simply die when I see them in real life. I was not allowed to see them when they first came around cause I was too young to worship “teen idols” or some shit… (moms!!!!)

Anyway, I am going to see them, I do not care how, on October 17th,…I am considering paying a girlfriend here for a ticket, and a hotel stay…the closest arena is 1.5 hrs away and I will not be stingy. This is filling a dream here.

Oh I should get to bed. Blarg. New kids…must see new kids…

I think I have become jaded. I saw the news, and the weather segment said it would drop down to 83 degrees next Thursday. I felt disappointed because it wouldn’t be hot that day.

Hello! No, I did not die from boredom in Austin, although at some points during the last month I thought I might. Actually, quite the contrary. I have just had no moments inspired enough to sit down and write about. Now that I have made myself do it, here is the latest scoop:

I got a job, that’s right, a job! A full-time, sit on your ass in an office job! Thank god! I was really going crazy here at home day-in, day-out, doing nothing but playing video games, drinking beer and oh yeah, doing actual work. It was not a lifestyle I would have liked to keep even though on the surface it doesn’t sound so bad. It is at my old company (the one that makes The Sims! ya know, The Sims!).. in a lot of ways, it’s even my old job itself, complete with old bosses and old co-workers. I was really lucky, and my old boss who was transplanted here as well basically let me know that there was a position open for me, and if I wanted it, I could take it - no interview or hassle or anything. How could I possibly say no to that? I mean, I have basically done nothing but regret my decision to leave and now I get a second chance. I am pretty excited. So, I will be taking that job here, (for about 2 dollars an hour less than before, but with the exchange rate of CA living costs, it is a much better deal, go figure!) and I will also be working Part time at my current company from home. Why? Cause I need money, and the start-up is actually doing great right now. In my heart of hearts of course I don’t want 2 jobs but hey, this is not a bad deal at all. I think I will make it through ok. In my mind the important thing is that I have a full time job now that I can work on as my career and that is something very important to me.

What else? Hmm… Oh yeah I am getting to be a fat-ass again. Ugh. Well I lost about 20 lbs on WW a few months ago but I kind of put it all on hold when I found out I was suddenly moving to Austin. I have really been slacking and of course the sitting at home hasn’t helped me to get me moving, so I am going to try a new approach, although I don’t know what it is yet. I am brainstorming some possibilities with a combination of Ghetto Weight Watchers, Wii Fit, and perhaps stepping foot inside a gym again, but no promises.

Last week a little conference called the Austin Game Developers Conference was in town. That was quite a blast! Basically the AGC is something all the cool people in the gaming industry are sent to to learn about … well… I don’t know ’cause I was never cool enough to be invited. Luckily a lot of my friends are, so when they were in town for AGC last week I partay’ed it up with them! I got into a Sony party which featured free food and and open bar until midnight. Wow. Wow. This was fun. However I think someone needs to call the papers because Tiff. Was. (Basically). Sober. At. An. Open. Bar. — And all my friends were trashed, which was totally fun. There’s nothing quite like watching people several levels above you get completely shitfaced and you get this sense of humanity from them that you sometimes just don’t get from sober bosses. Anyway, most of the reason that the party was so special was that everyone was so sweet to me and welcoming me “back” to the company and it felt really really good. It kind of felt like my family which is kind of touching in itself considering I don’t have much of one of those in any sense of the word. I found some irony that I moved to Austin, pretty far away from my old job, and yet I was partying it up with all my favorite people from the old job, and I am back at the old job at the same time, I wonder if this was meant to be? Is there really a such thing as fate? Perhaps, but one may tell me I am a very selfish idiot to assume the world revolves around me that much. Well screw you, I am IMPORTANT ENOUGH!

I should mention that moving here has been pretty nice so far, J is doing amazingly well at his job, he is already being promoted. I am so proud of him. He really made a name for himself and it is all because me made the move here. Considering that we were both not sure what the move would really bring us I think we got way more than we hoped for.

I am thinking about a project in which I blog for 365 days, no interruptions. Of course some days are allowed a simple sentence perhaps, but that would be fun wouldn’t it? Maybe you would end up with some bitchy crap instead of these perfectly-formed, grammatically correct essays that I have graciously presented to you in the past. Only time will tell. Maybe I will start on 10/1.

Or maybe not.