Hello Tiffy!

Today was icy! It was the first time that I was threatened with “black ice” - there’s a new one! When it gets cold here it gets really cold - not chicago or New York cold but the tempature drops and everything gets coated in a sheet of ice! I was worried about driving today to work, and when we went out to the car this morning J’s car was covered with a layer of ice as well. It looked neat, but we couldn’t even get the door open at first! So, we took my car, which was nice, cause it was encapsulated in the garage and was a very nice temparature, and dry to boot.

Luckily, we did not hit any black ice on the way to work but driving on the freeway at 40 miles per hour is something else. Then, you have the assholes that see the big gaps people are trying to leave between the cars and decide to weave in and out at 65 MPH. Gotta love that.

Yes, I am alive. I have just been kinda… I don’t know insane lately? Not exactly busy per se, more just, lost in my own world? I guess it happens to us all. I have been mostly working the 2 jobs, daydreaming about career aspirations, and playing lots of videogames. Those things are my 3 favorite things right now but my favorite is playing the video games
I lost 10 pounds in 16 days on South Beach. Once I entered the phase where you can re-introduce carbs it has stopped, but I am confident it will slowly fall off after my body adjusts. I was hoping for it to continue rapidly but I am pretty proud that I accomplished 2 weeks of no alcohol and no carbs and no sugar. I am now only eating Whole Wheat flour based carbs and red wine if I want some drinks. I am surprised how much I have adapted to it, and it is a fun thing to learn about, too. However, since I am kind of new to it I didn’t realize it turns your teeth blue after 2 or 3 glasses. So, everytime I would have some glasses of wine lately I would notice in the mirror my teeth were blue. I kept telling myself I was batshit crazy, and ignore it, the next day it would be gone. So I was re-assured I was batshit crazy. Last evening I saw this happen again so I finally had it. I googled the term blue teeth red wine. I was so not crazy. I also found out that it wipes off with a napkin, or brushes off. so I brushed my teeth and boy was I relieved! I have enough bad habits, coffee, smoking, oh joy, red wine now too.

However I do think it is REALLY neat that I can tell you what a shiraz looks and smells and tastes like, or a merlot, or a cabernet, it is a neat little hobby. My joke is that South Beach Diet will make me a sommalier. Of course, this is an outright lie because sommaliers don’t drink bottles of 6 dollar wine I would bet (Oh how I miss you, Two-Buck Chuck!) Oh - not to mention the fact that the good sommaliers can tell you what kind of wood the cask it was fermented in was Those people are seriously bad ass.

I am still daydreaming about career stuff, but I am also extremely appreciative that I have a job right now. I just read a story about these people going psycho murderers on their families just because they got laid off. It is so sad. I have had life experiences that taught me absolutely no amount of money is worth being miserable. On the flip side, I have been the person that takes a calculator to the grocery store to make sure I got exactly enough food to match what was in my bank account. To the penny. Life is hard, and low to no money really makes it harder. It is easy to imagine that life is such hell when you must stay home all the time and never have any fun but it is all really what you make of it.

My friend Angela is coming out to visit me in Austin in 2 weeks and I am so excited! Too bad she picked the most frigid boring month in Austin, but again, it is what you make of it! We msis eachother and we will have fun, even if it is like, ridiculously cold. I really miss Summer. 

Hi,

I have not said hi in a while, so hi there. Nothing new to report. hope to say hi again soon.

6.5 pounds lost in 2 weeks. Not bad!!!

Oh, CHINESE FOOD, where have you been for the past 12 days? You were right across the street, at Minhs, all delicious and carb-free and you never once called my name. Until tonight. Oh we had fun, but it felt so naughty. I can’t believe I practically staved myself on this diet the past 12 days with flavorless meats and other proteins while you sat idly by, all flavorful and spicy and ready for me to eat you. Well, now I will be eating you all the time, I will learn how to prepare you to be the best you can be. Only, in the future you will be consumed with a glass of red wine and perhaps extra vegetables if you are lucky. Day after tomorrow I will be normal again and maybe I won’t be talking to my food like this… nom nom nom.

I am so frustrated with bills and credit, I just called to pay off my remaining balance with AT&T Wireless and they tell me I broke a contract with 23 months left so I owe $229.00. I don’t remember making a contract anytime recently but the fact is when I transferred to T-Mobile I guess they had no way to know that I was breaking a contract. It would certainly be nice if it would have been communicated to m e because I thought I had been contract free for at least 9 months. I swear, I will never be on the up & up, it feels like every month I feel good about paying the bills cause I am getting some out of the way and then every few months I get these lovely surprises. I hate it! And I didn’t win the Mega Millions last night either, dammit!

I am feeling pretty good today…. Work was kind of dragged on for a while but I did the most emails last week and won a mug. Yayyy for me. Personally, all I can think about is moving forward in the company, I am so in need of a nice career - it is something a Tiff thrives on you know. The funny thing is, the mug that I won at work are the mugs I ordered during my last round working there about 1.5 years ago. I ordered this huge batch of Ee Ay mugs for the company picnic then I flew the coop to work at RD. So the funny part is I got the last remaining mug floating around. I wanted it back, dammit, it is like kind of sentimental to me, haha.

So lately I am still trying to focus on having a career back at Ee Ay. I am still there, doing something similar to what I was doing before, only now I am basically a perma-temp. It is a freakin weird feeling. I am doing a fine job but the benefits suck ass, I mean they really blow. I was going to get some better ones outside of the company, but, I have not gotten around to it yet. I keep hoping I can find a permanent spot there or sometimes I even look into other game company options. I am not really keeping my mind open for opportunities outside of the gaming industry right now. I feel like I really blew my shot when I left before and I have a scary internal paralyzing fear that I can not screw it up again. I really think there are many other industries I could settle working in. I just need to figure out what is it I really want, a good, interesting career or a career in games that will take a lot of time to get. (again). It usually isn’t even the industry that matters its just doing what you like and getting paid for it. Well right now I am doing that, but something is lacking.

In my current position I don’t feel that I can make enough positive changes. I was in a position before where my advice and knowledge was oft-requested, and now it is more difficult to offer my advice, not to mention no one seems to ask for it. I think the only difference is in my own confidence and courage as now I am on the other side of the fence. I am always arguing with myself to stay quiet or to be assertive. In my opinion it is a hard choice, as I expect companies should want assertive people, problem is where is the undefined line drawn between assertive and obnoxious/know it all? I think this year I should focus on being as professional as possible and find the path to the door that will finally open for me. It sounds silly to say “find the path to the door” but at this point that is where I am. I see no doors opening for me where I am right now, but something tells me that there is a dusty path right in front of me that I should really keep my eyes open for.

Oh yes, I was about to end on that note but one more thing. I found out that I can not have any beer until I am skinny. I really should do my research before starting diets…. well I am 5 days in and I am feeling good, there is no way I am stopping now. In it for the long haul, as they say… I refuse to have another blog in the future where I am on diet try #6… I can have wine at least. In 10 days that is.

So another interesting discovery tonight. I made a plate of food which consisted of:

Homemade Meatballs (Super lean)
Pasta Sauce
Lots of red peppers, yellow squash and onions
Covered with melted mozzarella (low fat but still good i swear)

It was pretty good, at first, but as I was eating I had that annoying feeling I was telling you about yesterday like my stomach was still screaming I AM STARVING & I am sitting there shoving food down (and telling myself its really good) I do not understand this. My first thought was well I eat garlic toast A LOT like 3-4 times a week with all kinds of different meals. I kept thinking how the meal was really quite good and I can’t imagine why I am still hungry I am eating a decent amount I think. Well it hit me that had there been my coveted garlic toast, I would seriously be having 3-4 pieces of that with this and I would call it a 5 star meal. Not to mention I would walk away so full and wanting to lie down somewhere. I am wondering if carbs are really addictive in some way, it all sounds so crazy though! However after eating for a while, I just didn’t want anymore, though more was plenty available, I was still hungry, not satiated but I was *done*.

What is up with this? I mean, I am sure if I read a book it would tell me all about evil carbs but even though I am trying this diet I don’t want to hear any hype. This diet is merely a trial and I may do something else after this 14 day experiment. I may stay low-carb after my “Phase 1″ period, who knows. My question is what is the deal? I don’t know, it may also mean I am addicted to being “full” and it is not healthy to be literally “full”. It may not have to do with carbs at all, it may have to do with overeating. It also may have to do with the fact I am also going without beer for 2 weeks and that probably added fullness to my stomach as well. It is just weird, but I am feeling really good. I am only 4 days in but I am becoming keenly aware of the signals that my stomach is telling me, lately however, they are saying they are hungry :P. Oh, I am also eating so much more healthy than I have in my life. I bought like 30 dollars of veggies at the store and I am actually eating them this time. Normally I buy a lot, to feel better about my shopping trip, then they rot in the fridge. My body is probably so confused with me right now!

I also have to say even though I look no different than I did 4 days ago I feel ten times lighter and my self image has improved by leaps and bounds. I am just as lazy as ever, yet I feel more attractive doing it. Har har.

Carby foods are the things that enhance the flavor of the actual tasty things.

For example:
Peanut butter = tasty thing.
White bread = not that tasty by itself.
Taco filling = tasty
Taco shells = not all that tasty!

Carbs are like taste enhancers (and they fill you up) - My first change of thought for no/low carb diet is, I can still have almost all the tasty things. Last night I made a “Taco bowl” (All the things you put in a taco except the shell.) I noticed I ate less but it was still very good. It definitely was lacking and had I eaten tacos with the shells, I probably would have had twice as much or something.

This morning I am having a scramble with 2 eggs, tomatoes, onions, mushrooms and turkey bacon. I miss toast, but why? Its just bread. I just need to remove the fact that carbs go with everything and they are addictive. Technically I am having a very tasty breakfast without the bread it is just a habit to have bread there. Not that I even b elieve that they are bad, but I am noticing that I am definitely eating less without carbs and I am not even trying. Interesting!