Hello Tiffy!

I am feeling pretty good today…. Work was kind of dragged on for a while but I did the most emails last week and won a mug. Yayyy for me. Personally, all I can think about is moving forward in the company, I am so in need of a nice career - it is something a Tiff thrives on you know. The funny thing is, the mug that I won at work are the mugs I ordered during my last round working there about 1.5 years ago. I ordered this huge batch of Ee Ay mugs for the company picnic then I flew the coop to work at RD. So the funny part is I got the last remaining mug floating around. I wanted it back, dammit, it is like kind of sentimental to me, haha.

So lately I am still trying to focus on having a career back at Ee Ay. I am still there, doing something similar to what I was doing before, only now I am basically a perma-temp. It is a freakin weird feeling. I am doing a fine job but the benefits suck ass, I mean they really blow. I was going to get some better ones outside of the company, but, I have not gotten around to it yet. I keep hoping I can find a permanent spot there or sometimes I even look into other game company options. I am not really keeping my mind open for opportunities outside of the gaming industry right now. I feel like I really blew my shot when I left before and I have a scary internal paralyzing fear that I can not screw it up again. I really think there are many other industries I could settle working in. I just need to figure out what is it I really want, a good, interesting career or a career in games that will take a lot of time to get. (again). It usually isn’t even the industry that matters its just doing what you like and getting paid for it. Well right now I am doing that, but something is lacking.

In my current position I don’t feel that I can make enough positive changes. I was in a position before where my advice and knowledge was oft-requested, and now it is more difficult to offer my advice, not to mention no one seems to ask for it. I think the only difference is in my own confidence and courage as now I am on the other side of the fence. I am always arguing with myself to stay quiet or to be assertive. In my opinion it is a hard choice, as I expect companies should want assertive people, problem is where is the undefined line drawn between assertive and obnoxious/know it all? I think this year I should focus on being as professional as possible and find the path to the door that will finally open for me. It sounds silly to say “find the path to the door” but at this point that is where I am. I see no doors opening for me where I am right now, but something tells me that there is a dusty path right in front of me that I should really keep my eyes open for.

Oh yes, I was about to end on that note but one more thing. I found out that I can not have any beer until I am skinny. I really should do my research before starting diets…. well I am 5 days in and I am feeling good, there is no way I am stopping now. In it for the long haul, as they say… I refuse to have another blog in the future where I am on diet try #6… I can have wine at least. In 10 days that is.