Hello Tiffy!

Sigh, what a crazy couple weeks it has been. I have been working my ass off, with a nice sick break in between. The work emails have been coming at full speed and since we have some new developments and features coming out on the site tomorrow I will not have any free time for a while, yet! Oh but my paychecks have been extra nice lately so I have been paying off some of my cards and my car so this is all good news.

I joined a gym yesterday a really nice one! So we have a nice gym here at Riata the only problem with it is that it is big, but not big enough for the 9 communities to share. I found one right by work called Planet Fitness that is only $10.00 a month and it is a brand new location so it is super clean and all the stuff is new. I love that. I joined yesterday but today was my first day there. Boy, am I out of shape!! I did 20 minutes on this cool machine which was actually fun and challenging. (Hence the 20 minutes before my lungs gave out on me) It is almost like a cross between an elliptical trainer and a treadmill, its fun and you just kind of swing there. Trust me, it does the job. I worked on my upper arms as well. Most of the lower body stuff was taken, and I was so tired from my big 20 minutes that I was ready to go home. LOL.

At least I started something again! I was loving my 24 hour Fit-Lite circuit training gym in the Bay Area, and this place even has a whole FitLite-esque circuit training area inside a full sized gym - yes, for $10 a month no contract.

I am loving that. I am hoping to get into a bikini this year (which would be a stretch to lose 45 lb by september but I can dream can’t I?

Yes, I am alive. I have just been kinda… I don’t know insane lately? Not exactly busy per se, more just, lost in my own world? I guess it happens to us all. I have been mostly working the 2 jobs, daydreaming about career aspirations, and playing lots of videogames. Those things are my 3 favorite things right now but my favorite is playing the video games
I lost 10 pounds in 16 days on South Beach. Once I entered the phase where you can re-introduce carbs it has stopped, but I am confident it will slowly fall off after my body adjusts. I was hoping for it to continue rapidly but I am pretty proud that I accomplished 2 weeks of no alcohol and no carbs and no sugar. I am now only eating Whole Wheat flour based carbs and red wine if I want some drinks. I am surprised how much I have adapted to it, and it is a fun thing to learn about, too. However, since I am kind of new to it I didn’t realize it turns your teeth blue after 2 or 3 glasses. So, everytime I would have some glasses of wine lately I would notice in the mirror my teeth were blue. I kept telling myself I was batshit crazy, and ignore it, the next day it would be gone. So I was re-assured I was batshit crazy. Last evening I saw this happen again so I finally had it. I googled the term blue teeth red wine. I was so not crazy. I also found out that it wipes off with a napkin, or brushes off. so I brushed my teeth and boy was I relieved! I have enough bad habits, coffee, smoking, oh joy, red wine now too.

However I do think it is REALLY neat that I can tell you what a shiraz looks and smells and tastes like, or a merlot, or a cabernet, it is a neat little hobby. My joke is that South Beach Diet will make me a sommalier. Of course, this is an outright lie because sommaliers don’t drink bottles of 6 dollar wine I would bet (Oh how I miss you, Two-Buck Chuck!) Oh - not to mention the fact that the good sommaliers can tell you what kind of wood the cask it was fermented in was Those people are seriously bad ass.

I am still daydreaming about career stuff, but I am also extremely appreciative that I have a job right now. I just read a story about these people going psycho murderers on their families just because they got laid off. It is so sad. I have had life experiences that taught me absolutely no amount of money is worth being miserable. On the flip side, I have been the person that takes a calculator to the grocery store to make sure I got exactly enough food to match what was in my bank account. To the penny. Life is hard, and low to no money really makes it harder. It is easy to imagine that life is such hell when you must stay home all the time and never have any fun but it is all really what you make of it.

My friend Angela is coming out to visit me in Austin in 2 weeks and I am so excited! Too bad she picked the most frigid boring month in Austin, but again, it is what you make of it! We msis eachother and we will have fun, even if it is like, ridiculously cold. I really miss Summer. 

Oh, CHINESE FOOD, where have you been for the past 12 days? You were right across the street, at Minhs, all delicious and carb-free and you never once called my name. Until tonight. Oh we had fun, but it felt so naughty. I can’t believe I practically staved myself on this diet the past 12 days with flavorless meats and other proteins while you sat idly by, all flavorful and spicy and ready for me to eat you. Well, now I will be eating you all the time, I will learn how to prepare you to be the best you can be. Only, in the future you will be consumed with a glass of red wine and perhaps extra vegetables if you are lucky. Day after tomorrow I will be normal again and maybe I won’t be talking to my food like this… nom nom nom.

I am feeling pretty good today…. Work was kind of dragged on for a while but I did the most emails last week and won a mug. Yayyy for me. Personally, all I can think about is moving forward in the company, I am so in need of a nice career - it is something a Tiff thrives on you know. The funny thing is, the mug that I won at work are the mugs I ordered during my last round working there about 1.5 years ago. I ordered this huge batch of Ee Ay mugs for the company picnic then I flew the coop to work at RD. So the funny part is I got the last remaining mug floating around. I wanted it back, dammit, it is like kind of sentimental to me, haha.

So lately I am still trying to focus on having a career back at Ee Ay. I am still there, doing something similar to what I was doing before, only now I am basically a perma-temp. It is a freakin weird feeling. I am doing a fine job but the benefits suck ass, I mean they really blow. I was going to get some better ones outside of the company, but, I have not gotten around to it yet. I keep hoping I can find a permanent spot there or sometimes I even look into other game company options. I am not really keeping my mind open for opportunities outside of the gaming industry right now. I feel like I really blew my shot when I left before and I have a scary internal paralyzing fear that I can not screw it up again. I really think there are many other industries I could settle working in. I just need to figure out what is it I really want, a good, interesting career or a career in games that will take a lot of time to get. (again). It usually isn’t even the industry that matters its just doing what you like and getting paid for it. Well right now I am doing that, but something is lacking.

In my current position I don’t feel that I can make enough positive changes. I was in a position before where my advice and knowledge was oft-requested, and now it is more difficult to offer my advice, not to mention no one seems to ask for it. I think the only difference is in my own confidence and courage as now I am on the other side of the fence. I am always arguing with myself to stay quiet or to be assertive. In my opinion it is a hard choice, as I expect companies should want assertive people, problem is where is the undefined line drawn between assertive and obnoxious/know it all? I think this year I should focus on being as professional as possible and find the path to the door that will finally open for me. It sounds silly to say “find the path to the door” but at this point that is where I am. I see no doors opening for me where I am right now, but something tells me that there is a dusty path right in front of me that I should really keep my eyes open for.

Oh yes, I was about to end on that note but one more thing. I found out that I can not have any beer until I am skinny. I really should do my research before starting diets…. well I am 5 days in and I am feeling good, there is no way I am stopping now. In it for the long haul, as they say… I refuse to have another blog in the future where I am on diet try #6… I can have wine at least. In 10 days that is.

So another interesting discovery tonight. I made a plate of food which consisted of:

Homemade Meatballs (Super lean)
Pasta Sauce
Lots of red peppers, yellow squash and onions
Covered with melted mozzarella (low fat but still good i swear)

It was pretty good, at first, but as I was eating I had that annoying feeling I was telling you about yesterday like my stomach was still screaming I AM STARVING & I am sitting there shoving food down (and telling myself its really good) I do not understand this. My first thought was well I eat garlic toast A LOT like 3-4 times a week with all kinds of different meals. I kept thinking how the meal was really quite good and I can’t imagine why I am still hungry I am eating a decent amount I think. Well it hit me that had there been my coveted garlic toast, I would seriously be having 3-4 pieces of that with this and I would call it a 5 star meal. Not to mention I would walk away so full and wanting to lie down somewhere. I am wondering if carbs are really addictive in some way, it all sounds so crazy though! However after eating for a while, I just didn’t want anymore, though more was plenty available, I was still hungry, not satiated but I was *done*.

What is up with this? I mean, I am sure if I read a book it would tell me all about evil carbs but even though I am trying this diet I don’t want to hear any hype. This diet is merely a trial and I may do something else after this 14 day experiment. I may stay low-carb after my “Phase 1″ period, who knows. My question is what is the deal? I don’t know, it may also mean I am addicted to being “full” and it is not healthy to be literally “full”. It may not have to do with carbs at all, it may have to do with overeating. It also may have to do with the fact I am also going without beer for 2 weeks and that probably added fullness to my stomach as well. It is just weird, but I am feeling really good. I am only 4 days in but I am becoming keenly aware of the signals that my stomach is telling me, lately however, they are saying they are hungry :P. Oh, I am also eating so much more healthy than I have in my life. I bought like 30 dollars of veggies at the store and I am actually eating them this time. Normally I buy a lot, to feel better about my shopping trip, then they rot in the fridge. My body is probably so confused with me right now!

I also have to say even though I look no different than I did 4 days ago I feel ten times lighter and my self image has improved by leaps and bounds. I am just as lazy as ever, yet I feel more attractive doing it. Har har.

Carby foods are the things that enhance the flavor of the actual tasty things.

For example:
Peanut butter = tasty thing.
White bread = not that tasty by itself.
Taco filling = tasty
Taco shells = not all that tasty!

Carbs are like taste enhancers (and they fill you up) - My first change of thought for no/low carb diet is, I can still have almost all the tasty things. Last night I made a “Taco bowl” (All the things you put in a taco except the shell.) I noticed I ate less but it was still very good. It definitely was lacking and had I eaten tacos with the shells, I probably would have had twice as much or something.

This morning I am having a scramble with 2 eggs, tomatoes, onions, mushrooms and turkey bacon. I miss toast, but why? Its just bread. I just need to remove the fact that carbs go with everything and they are addictive. Technically I am having a very tasty breakfast without the bread it is just a habit to have bread there. Not that I even b elieve that they are bad, but I am noticing that I am definitely eating less without carbs and I am not even trying. Interesting!

Oh, yesterday I was feeling horrible! However I feel better today. I have yet to go to the grocery store to buy some veggies and meat for my diet however I have done fine so far. Chinese food is pretty easy to have veggies and meat only. I don’t miss carbs yet but I am sure it will hit me soon….

I said things were not going to get crazy last night but I lied!  I got faded, and today I am so hungover… my 2 weeks of no alcohol sound pretty good right about now…. lol! Too bad I have no food and I am too lazy to get any! I was lucky and got chinese buffet for lunch! Lots to eat there, string beans, egg soup and broccoli beef, it was heaven. I accidentally ate my fortune cookie out of habit, but I am pretending I ddnt…

I catch myself saying “Y’all” several times per day now. It is always embarrassing, even though most of the time the people don’t catch it or notice it, it rings in my head for a few seconds after it comes pouring out of my mouth! I have an interesting little dialect now, I sound like a Texafornian… “Dude! Y’all should hella come tonight, it will be fun!”……..

I sound like a freak, it is kinda cute, but kinda creepy, someone at work told me I am gaining a “twang” too, but I think he was just fucking with me.

Tonight we are going across the street to the Riata Bar & Grill - our local diner/bar to ring in the New Year. A couple friends from work that live close by will be there too. I am working tomorrow so I am not gonna get crazy, but I will enjoy my last junk food/beer for a little while as I start on my South Beach Diet adventure tomorrow. I will let “y’all” know how it goes.

I hope everyone (or is that ANYONE) reading this has an awesome party tonight and if not, I hope you get the best sleep of 2008.

Take care, Y’ALL!

Ok… Just kidding… Sometimes joking about death is not funny but seriously I am sooo scared about this flight on Wednesday! I just need to stop thinking about it…. well that was easier before I heard about this story which a place slipped off of the runway into a ball of flames! Ok, luckily no one was killed but that is sooo not the point.

In other news, we had snow here in Austin last week, it was freakin amazing. I have pictures to upload but they look just like white dots… still lots of fun and I was in awe and shock! Completely beautiful! Oh, it was like, flakes that melted before it hit the ground, so it was not like a winter wonderland here.. but it IS Austin, TX we are talking about. I think it deserves mucho recognition.. actually, I believe it was featured on CNN a few times the day after.

I got my hair done red last weekend, it is so cute… it took a few days to start liking it because it was such a big change! I also got a cute side part with some of those side wispy bangs. I am trendy ya know. Actually, I did this mostly because I am totally going gray! I will save that bitch session for another day.

Oh, I must tell you my new computer is keeping me warm at night…. I received an early Christmas present from Jay and it was the World of Warcraft expansion… how did he know? So I have been grinding and wasting away any free time that I get but unfortunately I will not get much free time for a while after the holiday. I do not get PTO at my job so I am missing 3 days of work and that means no money…. I am going to be doing a lot of Overtime when I get back to make up for the lack of money… which means less playtime.. boo. However I have felt like a lazy lazy lazy person lately, that is what being a geek does to you….

I am thinking about starting the South Beach Diet after the new year, a co-worker is starting it and I am like well why don’t I give it a try. I think it sounds decent, but no alcohol or sugar of any kind for the first two weeks. Also no bread I think, it is pretty restrictive. Meat and vegetables are good most of the time but you know the best part is the potato! Which I can not have.

So anyway, Weight Watchers really DOES work but I found my biggest strength from the diet came from within my close friend Angela and basically when I moved away I stopped being on track. My hope is if I do South Beach with my friend Mary then the fact that we are both on it will inspire me in the same way. So, I will let you know. In the meantime, I will drink beer!