Hello Tiffy!

I am feeling pretty good today…. Work was kind of dragged on for a while but I did the most emails last week and won a mug. Yayyy for me. Personally, all I can think about is moving forward in the company, I am so in need of a nice career - it is something a Tiff thrives on you know. The funny thing is, the mug that I won at work are the mugs I ordered during my last round working there about 1.5 years ago. I ordered this huge batch of Ee Ay mugs for the company picnic then I flew the coop to work at RD. So the funny part is I got the last remaining mug floating around. I wanted it back, dammit, it is like kind of sentimental to me, haha.

So lately I am still trying to focus on having a career back at Ee Ay. I am still there, doing something similar to what I was doing before, only now I am basically a perma-temp. It is a freakin weird feeling. I am doing a fine job but the benefits suck ass, I mean they really blow. I was going to get some better ones outside of the company, but, I have not gotten around to it yet. I keep hoping I can find a permanent spot there or sometimes I even look into other game company options. I am not really keeping my mind open for opportunities outside of the gaming industry right now. I feel like I really blew my shot when I left before and I have a scary internal paralyzing fear that I can not screw it up again. I really think there are many other industries I could settle working in. I just need to figure out what is it I really want, a good, interesting career or a career in games that will take a lot of time to get. (again). It usually isn’t even the industry that matters its just doing what you like and getting paid for it. Well right now I am doing that, but something is lacking.

In my current position I don’t feel that I can make enough positive changes. I was in a position before where my advice and knowledge was oft-requested, and now it is more difficult to offer my advice, not to mention no one seems to ask for it. I think the only difference is in my own confidence and courage as now I am on the other side of the fence. I am always arguing with myself to stay quiet or to be assertive. In my opinion it is a hard choice, as I expect companies should want assertive people, problem is where is the undefined line drawn between assertive and obnoxious/know it all? I think this year I should focus on being as professional as possible and find the path to the door that will finally open for me. It sounds silly to say “find the path to the door” but at this point that is where I am. I see no doors opening for me where I am right now, but something tells me that there is a dusty path right in front of me that I should really keep my eyes open for.

Oh yes, I was about to end on that note but one more thing. I found out that I can not have any beer until I am skinny. I really should do my research before starting diets…. well I am 5 days in and I am feeling good, there is no way I am stopping now. In it for the long haul, as they say… I refuse to have another blog in the future where I am on diet try #6… I can have wine at least. In 10 days that is.

Ok… Just kidding… Sometimes joking about death is not funny but seriously I am sooo scared about this flight on Wednesday! I just need to stop thinking about it…. well that was easier before I heard about this story which a place slipped off of the runway into a ball of flames! Ok, luckily no one was killed but that is sooo not the point.

In other news, we had snow here in Austin last week, it was freakin amazing. I have pictures to upload but they look just like white dots… still lots of fun and I was in awe and shock! Completely beautiful! Oh, it was like, flakes that melted before it hit the ground, so it was not like a winter wonderland here.. but it IS Austin, TX we are talking about. I think it deserves mucho recognition.. actually, I believe it was featured on CNN a few times the day after.

I got my hair done red last weekend, it is so cute… it took a few days to start liking it because it was such a big change! I also got a cute side part with some of those side wispy bangs. I am trendy ya know. Actually, I did this mostly because I am totally going gray! I will save that bitch session for another day.

Oh, I must tell you my new computer is keeping me warm at night…. I received an early Christmas present from Jay and it was the World of Warcraft expansion… how did he know? So I have been grinding and wasting away any free time that I get but unfortunately I will not get much free time for a while after the holiday. I do not get PTO at my job so I am missing 3 days of work and that means no money…. I am going to be doing a lot of Overtime when I get back to make up for the lack of money… which means less playtime.. boo. However I have felt like a lazy lazy lazy person lately, that is what being a geek does to you….

I am thinking about starting the South Beach Diet after the new year, a co-worker is starting it and I am like well why don’t I give it a try. I think it sounds decent, but no alcohol or sugar of any kind for the first two weeks. Also no bread I think, it is pretty restrictive. Meat and vegetables are good most of the time but you know the best part is the potato! Which I can not have.

So anyway, Weight Watchers really DOES work but I found my biggest strength from the diet came from within my close friend Angela and basically when I moved away I stopped being on track. My hope is if I do South Beach with my friend Mary then the fact that we are both on it will inspire me in the same way. So, I will let you know. In the meantime, I will drink beer!

I got my new computer yesterday and I am beside myself with excitement! I will blog about it this weekend, but here is a pic we took with the webcam. Really clear for having not the best light source. It’s a great cam, it is a Logitech 9000.

Sigh it has been far too long since I told you what was going on in Tiff Land.

Lets see… Oh, recently my upper left wisdom tooth decided it HATED me! Who can hate the tiffster? Well this tooth definitely does. It started on Tuesday, an extremely excruciating pain in the left side of my mouth. I just knew it was my wisdom tooth because I had been expecting it to turn on me for the longest time. I had felt that it was only half-grown in and I had been expecting any day now that it was going to hurt. I was in such pain it only took me 2 days to get to the dentist which says something right there. But anyway, i went to the dentist and they confirmed that the pain will not be going away until I get the thing pulled. So do you remember that discussion we had about a month and a half ago about my insurance and how it totally sucked? So it isn’t the worst dental coverage in the world or anything but it turns out that I am not eligible for oral surgery until I have been on the plan uninterupted for 3 months and of course I am only on 1.5 months at the moment. So I had the dental assistant price it all out for me and it will cost me $500 out of pocket before January 27th. On January 27th it will be my 3 month anniversary so to speak, and I will only have to pay $250. So I am now trying to decide how painful it really is. I discovered Anbesol and it has really helped. If I can stand rubbing numbing solution on my gums every hour for the next 6 weeks i can save $250. I am going to try it. Worst case, I just spend the money. It is certainly a disappointing time of year for my mouth to turn against me but what can ya do? That is life!

In other news, I just bought my dream gaming PC. The sad part of this is I decided to use credit through Alienware to get an ungodly expensive gaming PC because, at the time I had nothing else bothering me for money and I so wanted to treat myself to a new ridiculous treat I could not immediately afford. I flirted with the idea of buying it for months but I took the plunge on Monday and ordered the computer of my dreams, and of course on Tuesday was the day my tooth began to hate me. I have horrible guilt about splurging so much on the computer now and I was so damn close to cancelling the darn thing but you know what this will make me very happy and I just know it will prove to be a good investment. It is hard to treat myself sometimes but dammit I am going to WTF PWN every one with my uber Alienware… you better hope you don’t cross me in WoW or Warhammer online….bitches!

Life wasn’t bad today. That’s a good thing. J booked our tickets to Kentucky for Christmas (we are spending 5 days at his mom’s new house). I will be dreading every moment until we get on the plane. I don’t dread being there, I just dread getting there. I hate flying, planes make me assume I am dead the moment I step on. Oh I hope I am still blogging after December 29. If you promise I will live through the trip, please comment and say “You will live”. Don’t worry if you don’t want to lie, and promise something that may not be factual. If I die I won’t hold it against you :P. Just encourage me to go by promising that I will live. Thanks for your support.

So I arrive at work this morning and I see two forensic crime scene trucks out front. I was really worried, but it turns out my office got broken into over night and several things were stolen, including monitors and tons of game consoles and computers from a few people’s desks, and lots of other stuff. Luckily, the intruders did not seem to touch my desk at all, even though I had the same nice wide screen monitors just like the ones that were stolen. What a freaky morning. Even though it was my work and not my house it still feels very scary and  I feel just as violated.

@_@

Today was pretty blah, nothing comes to mind that was too exciting. After the refrigerator fiasco yesterday of course I had nothing for lunch today so I went to Burger King and did alright. I got a Tendergrill (AKA Grilled Chicken) sandwich and some Apple Fries and a Diet coke! There was mayo on the sandwich but I think I will live though it. A friend of mine thinks the BK Apple Fries taste like they are dipped in formeldahyde, but actually, I think they are quite delectable, they are also extremely cute, cut into frie shapes and they are kinda yellowish, I would be fooled (considering my current state of eyesight I could be fooled by just about anything). We all know apples taste alright but these are actually really crispy and juicy and delicious. Not sure how they do it but who knows, maybe it is because they are peeled and air-sealed fresh. There is also something about someone else cutting your veggies and fruits for you, pre-cut fruit is big business and you feel like you are 5 again which is always special

I really want to go shopping and buy some new clothes but I keep putting it off until I lose a few lbs, so we will see. I want to work out again soooo badly I was doing great when I lived in CA but it just harder here and..  I would rather go spend time with J if I am going to put off work instead of go to the gym (it isn’t like I want to anyway, don;’t get me wrong - but if I am going to put off work I want to be with him instead). I also find I am tired here and sleep way too much. I feel extremely unhealthy and want to do a lifestyle change I am just too lazy yet. J hinted that he wants to go to the gym I want to go with him if he goes. Maybe we will see, I have heard this frm him before. I guess I am not the only one that has trouble getting on the right foot.

Oh, right now I am being entertained (oh I mean possibly bored to death) by World Series of Poker. The game isn’t bad to play, and not all that bad to watch sometimes but I am so damn tired this is not helping. You know Austin isn’t all that bad in general but I am telling you I would enjoy life a lot more with just one job. I guess that goes without saying, but I am just feeling ragged. Ragged ragged ragged. I feel guilty at almost all times, I mean I should be working 24 7 in my opinion how dare I enjoy dinner away from my computer, or consider talking to my best friend instead of work. I just want to take a week off ya know? My last day off that was officially a day I was not expected to work (not including the moving days which I drove, or moved stuff, or unpacked stuff) was August 2007. Ever since then I was at the start up which we did not get days off. then working from home which, well, every day I should be doing at least a little something and now I am contracting as well which well I basically get no paid days off. I miss days off. Yes I do slack from time to time — but since I get to spend my slack time feeling guilty it really doesn’t count in my opinion. I even feel guilty in my sleep. Speaking of sleep.. I think I will go feel guilty now….

1. fridge at work lost power over weekend and lost all my bfasts and lunches in freezer
2. had taco bell triple steak burrito for lunch instead
3. Felt sick
4. came home from work….

5. Went to Carrabba’s with Jay & Monica. Gay waiter was funny and nice. Also gave me bread and oil and herbs to take home w/o asking. Good tip
for him.

So I get to work and the fridge somehow lost power over the weekend. So, about 20 dollars of frozen breakfasts and lunches have spoiled, and I am starving. Not happy AND my pumpkin coffee creamer too….

1) Thank god, I was thinking if McCain somehow won I would have to shut down my blog.
2) Fox News is congratulating Obama as if they wanted him to win. They have all their PC comments in order as if they had to rehearse them for hours just in case.
3) I am so proud of my country right now. There was something exciting in the air during the day and it increased as it got darker outside. People are excited, the energy is literally felt in the air even when you are alone. Go out and feel it!
4) Thank god thank god thank god.
5) I don’t mean to get biblical but seriously this is such a fucking amazing day in our lives.
6) I am just seriously relieved and excited. I now just sit and wait about prop 8. Then I can go to bed.
7) Need beer.