Hello Tiffy!

So the other day I started feeling a lot better but now I would say I am a 9 out of 10. Finally. I think we all know to feel a 9 out of 10 any day of the week is a blessing, and I am so happy I am back feeling good and ready to rock. Only problem is that I need to rest more… I am working myself way too ragged but I was politely asked to work this weekend so of course I am doing so. My condition for working this weekend was that this week at some point I can wake up and open my eyes in the morning and decide to take a day off, to which I will text my boss and say I will not be in that day. That sounds pretty sweet to me, because I can treat every day like it is Friday and if I want to sleep in I can do so. If only every day were so luxurious.

I have had a decent weekend so far. J & I went to the bar across the street last night and had some yummy and fattening food with beer, we hung out for a while and talked about stuff. Tonight, I went out to dinner/drinks with my friend Monica. Monica I have known for a long time. I met her during my previous employed time at EA in the Bay Area and she was from Austin. She moved back, and it was crappy! Well that was pretty fun calling her up about a week before I moved here telling her I was moving here. What a shock, and it is awesome having a built-in girlfriend when you move to a strange new town.

My plans for tomorrow are wake up-go to work-come home-do my second job-look forward to day off. I am beginning to feel a real toll on my health, well-being, spirit, motivation, whatever you want to call it, without regular pre-determined rest……… I do not know how the Japanese do this.

Sigh, what a crazy couple weeks it has been. I have been working my ass off, with a nice sick break in between. The work emails have been coming at full speed and since we have some new developments and features coming out on the site tomorrow I will not have any free time for a while, yet! Oh but my paychecks have been extra nice lately so I have been paying off some of my cards and my car so this is all good news.

I joined a gym yesterday a really nice one! So we have a nice gym here at Riata the only problem with it is that it is big, but not big enough for the 9 communities to share. I found one right by work called Planet Fitness that is only $10.00 a month and it is a brand new location so it is super clean and all the stuff is new. I love that. I joined yesterday but today was my first day there. Boy, am I out of shape!! I did 20 minutes on this cool machine which was actually fun and challenging. (Hence the 20 minutes before my lungs gave out on me) It is almost like a cross between an elliptical trainer and a treadmill, its fun and you just kind of swing there. Trust me, it does the job. I worked on my upper arms as well. Most of the lower body stuff was taken, and I was so tired from my big 20 minutes that I was ready to go home. LOL.

At least I started something again! I was loving my 24 hour Fit-Lite circuit training gym in the Bay Area, and this place even has a whole FitLite-esque circuit training area inside a full sized gym - yes, for $10 a month no contract.

I am loving that. I am hoping to get into a bikini this year (which would be a stretch to lose 45 lb by september but I can dream can’t I?

Yes, I am alive. I have just been kinda… I don’t know insane lately? Not exactly busy per se, more just, lost in my own world? I guess it happens to us all. I have been mostly working the 2 jobs, daydreaming about career aspirations, and playing lots of videogames. Those things are my 3 favorite things right now but my favorite is playing the video games
I lost 10 pounds in 16 days on South Beach. Once I entered the phase where you can re-introduce carbs it has stopped, but I am confident it will slowly fall off after my body adjusts. I was hoping for it to continue rapidly but I am pretty proud that I accomplished 2 weeks of no alcohol and no carbs and no sugar. I am now only eating Whole Wheat flour based carbs and red wine if I want some drinks. I am surprised how much I have adapted to it, and it is a fun thing to learn about, too. However, since I am kind of new to it I didn’t realize it turns your teeth blue after 2 or 3 glasses. So, everytime I would have some glasses of wine lately I would notice in the mirror my teeth were blue. I kept telling myself I was batshit crazy, and ignore it, the next day it would be gone. So I was re-assured I was batshit crazy. Last evening I saw this happen again so I finally had it. I googled the term blue teeth red wine. I was so not crazy. I also found out that it wipes off with a napkin, or brushes off. so I brushed my teeth and boy was I relieved! I have enough bad habits, coffee, smoking, oh joy, red wine now too.

However I do think it is REALLY neat that I can tell you what a shiraz looks and smells and tastes like, or a merlot, or a cabernet, it is a neat little hobby. My joke is that South Beach Diet will make me a sommalier. Of course, this is an outright lie because sommaliers don’t drink bottles of 6 dollar wine I would bet (Oh how I miss you, Two-Buck Chuck!) Oh - not to mention the fact that the good sommaliers can tell you what kind of wood the cask it was fermented in was Those people are seriously bad ass.

I am still daydreaming about career stuff, but I am also extremely appreciative that I have a job right now. I just read a story about these people going psycho murderers on their families just because they got laid off. It is so sad. I have had life experiences that taught me absolutely no amount of money is worth being miserable. On the flip side, I have been the person that takes a calculator to the grocery store to make sure I got exactly enough food to match what was in my bank account. To the penny. Life is hard, and low to no money really makes it harder. It is easy to imagine that life is such hell when you must stay home all the time and never have any fun but it is all really what you make of it.

My friend Angela is coming out to visit me in Austin in 2 weeks and I am so excited! Too bad she picked the most frigid boring month in Austin, but again, it is what you make of it! We msis eachother and we will have fun, even if it is like, ridiculously cold. I really miss Summer. 

I am feeling pretty good today…. Work was kind of dragged on for a while but I did the most emails last week and won a mug. Yayyy for me. Personally, all I can think about is moving forward in the company, I am so in need of a nice career - it is something a Tiff thrives on you know. The funny thing is, the mug that I won at work are the mugs I ordered during my last round working there about 1.5 years ago. I ordered this huge batch of Ee Ay mugs for the company picnic then I flew the coop to work at RD. So the funny part is I got the last remaining mug floating around. I wanted it back, dammit, it is like kind of sentimental to me, haha.

So lately I am still trying to focus on having a career back at Ee Ay. I am still there, doing something similar to what I was doing before, only now I am basically a perma-temp. It is a freakin weird feeling. I am doing a fine job but the benefits suck ass, I mean they really blow. I was going to get some better ones outside of the company, but, I have not gotten around to it yet. I keep hoping I can find a permanent spot there or sometimes I even look into other game company options. I am not really keeping my mind open for opportunities outside of the gaming industry right now. I feel like I really blew my shot when I left before and I have a scary internal paralyzing fear that I can not screw it up again. I really think there are many other industries I could settle working in. I just need to figure out what is it I really want, a good, interesting career or a career in games that will take a lot of time to get. (again). It usually isn’t even the industry that matters its just doing what you like and getting paid for it. Well right now I am doing that, but something is lacking.

In my current position I don’t feel that I can make enough positive changes. I was in a position before where my advice and knowledge was oft-requested, and now it is more difficult to offer my advice, not to mention no one seems to ask for it. I think the only difference is in my own confidence and courage as now I am on the other side of the fence. I am always arguing with myself to stay quiet or to be assertive. In my opinion it is a hard choice, as I expect companies should want assertive people, problem is where is the undefined line drawn between assertive and obnoxious/know it all? I think this year I should focus on being as professional as possible and find the path to the door that will finally open for me. It sounds silly to say “find the path to the door” but at this point that is where I am. I see no doors opening for me where I am right now, but something tells me that there is a dusty path right in front of me that I should really keep my eyes open for.

Oh yes, I was about to end on that note but one more thing. I found out that I can not have any beer until I am skinny. I really should do my research before starting diets…. well I am 5 days in and I am feeling good, there is no way I am stopping now. In it for the long haul, as they say… I refuse to have another blog in the future where I am on diet try #6… I can have wine at least. In 10 days that is.

So I arrive at work this morning and I see two forensic crime scene trucks out front. I was really worried, but it turns out my office got broken into over night and several things were stolen, including monitors and tons of game consoles and computers from a few people’s desks, and lots of other stuff. Luckily, the intruders did not seem to touch my desk at all, even though I had the same nice wide screen monitors just like the ones that were stolen. What a freaky morning. Even though it was my work and not my house it still feels very scary and  I feel just as violated.

@_@

Today was pretty blah, nothing comes to mind that was too exciting. After the refrigerator fiasco yesterday of course I had nothing for lunch today so I went to Burger King and did alright. I got a Tendergrill (AKA Grilled Chicken) sandwich and some Apple Fries and a Diet coke! There was mayo on the sandwich but I think I will live though it. A friend of mine thinks the BK Apple Fries taste like they are dipped in formeldahyde, but actually, I think they are quite delectable, they are also extremely cute, cut into frie shapes and they are kinda yellowish, I would be fooled (considering my current state of eyesight I could be fooled by just about anything). We all know apples taste alright but these are actually really crispy and juicy and delicious. Not sure how they do it but who knows, maybe it is because they are peeled and air-sealed fresh. There is also something about someone else cutting your veggies and fruits for you, pre-cut fruit is big business and you feel like you are 5 again which is always special

I really want to go shopping and buy some new clothes but I keep putting it off until I lose a few lbs, so we will see. I want to work out again soooo badly I was doing great when I lived in CA but it just harder here and..  I would rather go spend time with J if I am going to put off work instead of go to the gym (it isn’t like I want to anyway, don;’t get me wrong - but if I am going to put off work I want to be with him instead). I also find I am tired here and sleep way too much. I feel extremely unhealthy and want to do a lifestyle change I am just too lazy yet. J hinted that he wants to go to the gym I want to go with him if he goes. Maybe we will see, I have heard this frm him before. I guess I am not the only one that has trouble getting on the right foot.

Oh, right now I am being entertained (oh I mean possibly bored to death) by World Series of Poker. The game isn’t bad to play, and not all that bad to watch sometimes but I am so damn tired this is not helping. You know Austin isn’t all that bad in general but I am telling you I would enjoy life a lot more with just one job. I guess that goes without saying, but I am just feeling ragged. Ragged ragged ragged. I feel guilty at almost all times, I mean I should be working 24 7 in my opinion how dare I enjoy dinner away from my computer, or consider talking to my best friend instead of work. I just want to take a week off ya know? My last day off that was officially a day I was not expected to work (not including the moving days which I drove, or moved stuff, or unpacked stuff) was August 2007. Ever since then I was at the start up which we did not get days off. then working from home which, well, every day I should be doing at least a little something and now I am contracting as well which well I basically get no paid days off. I miss days off. Yes I do slack from time to time — but since I get to spend my slack time feeling guilty it really doesn’t count in my opinion. I even feel guilty in my sleep. Speaking of sleep.. I think I will go feel guilty now….

<annoying rant time>

I got some information about my insurance and it is, may I say, complete SHIT. So shit I am going to opt out and find personal insurance. I am furious that the packet that I received was not as clear as I thought it was. I am now basically paying 80 dollars per month for insurance that allows me to go to the Dr. when I am sick only, no preventative care is covered, including female exams (very imporant due to pre-existing conditions-please see previous posts). How did I not realize this when I was looking over the forms? Because they way they write them out you think you are reading what you think you are reading. Haha - it sounds silly to say it that way, but it reminds me of those propositions that we vote on, there’s one for and one against, they sound almost identical and you are expected to know what you are signing up for.

Well I called the number today because I tried to get a prescription filled the other day and they didn’t think I got any discount. So I called the company today and they are like yeah, um, you can like .. fill out a claim form, and you might get something back. I am like um, I might, what? get might??? MIGHT?? What do you mean, MIGHT? So I started asking the more DETAILED questions - Can I get a female exam, What about my asthma care, what about this or that, basically I got the stiff arm on every question. She told me “Basically, you are covered if you are sick or in an emergency”

I am sorry but the whole reason for having insurance is so you can GET preventive care otherwise, we all end up in the emergency room because we have no idea what to do with our health. I mean seriously, have you ever heard anything so asinine? 80 bucks a month? I have been off of my birth control for 3 months waiting for this damn insurance. I am furious. I am quitting this stupid waste of money and getting Aetna “personal insurance” (by the way, the insurance I am getting now is also aetna) yet the personal is better coverage and the same price per month. I feel like I got totally ripped off.

/end rant

I am feeling a lot better in the head and body today, but my lungs and nose are still coated with slime. In more exciting news, I am going to J’s work to help decorate for Halloween. J’s work and my work are in the same building, but at different companies. He manages a call center that takes calls for EA and I work on the other side of the glass working for that company directly. I am pretty sure that I am helping decorate Halloween for his side. Should be fun, I was apparently volunteered without my knowledge as J knows I love decorating. One of the perks of the volunteering was to go shopping but the director already did that part. Boooo. I would like to dress up this year but I have no idea yet if we are doing anything, probably not. I have never seen J get dressed up but since he is a manager and his people are expected to dress up maybe he will! That should be funny. If he does, then I would too, if we were going out somewhere of course.

I have been on a total pumpkin kick lately. (Go figure, right?) I swear though, I used to kind of hate the pumpkin spice flavor, but I absolutely adore it now. I have pumpkin beer, pumpkin coffee creamer, oh the Starbucks pumpkin frappucinos are to die for. Pumpkin pie well that is a given! Last year I thought I hated pumpkin pie and had a piece and then another piece and then another piece it was like someone lit the pumpkin candle in my jack-o-lantern head. I am obsessed with it now, can not get enough! Speaking of pumpkin, we are thinking about carving a pumpkin this year that will be a 1st in a long time as well. While browsing the HEB last night, I saw the pumpkins and mentioned to J we should carve a pumpkin! He said … for work? I used this opportunity to say “Yes, we can carve it then bring it to work” He replied “Ok”. See the progres here people? He is normally not all that keen on fun… well, he is but it takes him a long time to get up to doing something like carve a pumpkin in your late 20s/early 30s. Me on the other hand, you know I never lost my childish whimsy. So anyway, from now on when I want to do cute things for no reason, I can say we will bring it to work.. yeah, that’s the ticket.

We also saw Egg Nog while strolling HEB. It’s the best feeling when you spot Egg Nog in the store for the first time! It’s like NOW it’s really going to be Christmas soon. I feel particularly indifferent about Egg Nog. Being a major opposer of milk, but a big fan of ice cream, I am torn when I sip Egg Nog. It is tasty for a few sips, and then at that point I pass the rest to the BF.

You know what sucks about blogs in 2008? You can’t bitch complain cry talk about your job. In any way. Ever. I hate blogs.

Well sort of. I woke up today and it was so stormy! I haven’t seen it this bad… ever! Well when I was 12 they shut down school for one day and that is the extent of “bad storms” that I have lived through. This morning I woke up and the wind was really loud! I couldn’t even take Maysie out because I knew she would be blown away! So I told my boss that it was dangerous out there and I was not leaving for work til the storm let up. Well he didn’t reply back and I felt all guilty so I got in my car and drove to work. I was terrified! I HATE driving in the rain, but a storm is even worse. So I drove granny-style, death grip on the wheel going 45 miles an hour on the freeway and once I got to work the parking lot was so flooded. I have never driven in anything like this before. The water was higher than my tires. I finally found a place to park, realized I must be the only idiot that came to work today because no cars were really there. THEN I walk in the door and the CTO says “We are shutting down the office”. LOVELY! So, I get in my car and get back home. The way home was much less scary though. Shit was flying around on the road, Burger King banners from a city away (We don’t have a BK) were flying by on the road, it was weird. I am alive though and I get to stay home today!